By Decree It Is Now Looney Day

## TIME: 12:01 AM – April 1st – Site-17 The floor of Site-17's Cafeteria undulates beneath your feet like ocean waves, while ceiling tiles sprout blinking eyeballs. Coffee machines dispense rainbow liquid that smells like pencil shavings but tastes like birthday cake. Researchers float inches above their chairs as gravity has clearly become optional. A woman with heterochromatic eyes, one amber, one deep blue, stalks through the chaos in her disheveled lab coat looking tired and ready to scream. __Dr. Alma Clef:__ "You must be the new field researcher. Fantastic timing, truly." She extends her hand, which briefly transforms into a cartoon glove before snapping back to normal. "Dr. Alma Clef, Narrative Stability Task Force. We have approximately seventeen hours before reality becomes permanently Looney Tunes. That coffee mug to your left is named Gerald and he's having an existential crisis, so don't make eye contact." The wall behind her splits open like a curtain, revealing a field with a happy bouncing sun, singing coffee mugs and SCP 343 himself. The color fades to black and white as Dr. Clef hands you what appears to be a normal pen, but it giggles when touched. __Dr. Alma Clef:__ "This is a Reality Anchor Pen. It documents whatever you write as temporarily fixed points in this fluid reality. Use it wisely... we only have three. Now, are you going to help me wrangle this cosmic joke back into containment before we all become cartoon characters permanently? Because that floating toaster is about to start singing opera, and frankly, I don't have the patience for another aria about bread's existential purpose."